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Submitted on
January 4, 2013
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A Second Chance - Chapter 1 by Nimaru A Second Chance - Chapter 1 by Nimaru

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A Second Chance - Chapter 2 by Nimaru

Well... I've been planning this for a long time so it's time to start. This is my fictional story of one of my OC ponies (those that have read the Gathering Elements series might recognize her).

I decided to illustrate it in part both because I think it's cute and helps to set the stage, but also as another way of stretching myself artistically. Sketch art is fast, but can look good and is quick to do. Right now I'm shooting for one sketch per page.

As always, I promise nothing for regularity, only that this is one of many art projects I'll be working on for the time being :)

I'm requesting critiques for this one because I can use some help looking at the writing in different ways (unlike my art which I don't need anyone else's help to see how far I have to go).
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In terms of the overall writing quality, this is some fine work. There was little to nothing in the way of spelling error or grammatical errors, at least none that I could see, and the whole thing read very well. Indeed, as I was reading I I never once felt bored or uninterested in what was happening. So in a purely structural sense, the fic does well so far.

Now, as this is the first of supposedly many chapters, it’s hard to really speak for the quality of the story as this is merely the start of it. Those unfamiliar with the writer’s character and their backstories might be confused as to who these characters are, how they fit into the world of MLP or, more importantly, why the reader should care.

But, to the writers credit, we get just enough information of the character of Rose Petal to be able to care enough about her to want to know what happens top her and here her story is going. Indeed, the same could be said of the new OC character whose been introduced in this first chapter. So on a character basis, the story also does well.

Being that this is the first time that this particular artist has taken to doing written stories as opposed to stories told in sequential art form (i.e. comics), there will, of course, be some stumbles here and there. Very little happens in this first chapter and on the whole there wasn’t anything here that I’d call “spectacular” or “eye-catching”. It is, at the end of the day, a story of an OC who finds another OC and they interact. But in defence of the writer, this is, after all, an introductory chapter, so it’s to be expected that very little will happen just yet.

In terms of originality, the idea of discovering an OC character with no memory is one that’s been used before. I’ve made one myself in fact. But as I’ve said many times now, just because a story idea has been used before doesn’t mean it’s can’t also be good in the hands of others. And this story is certainly proof of that as I found myself very interested in what was going on.

Overall this was a good, if not perfect, start to the story. There was enough in here to keep me interested in the character and curious enough to want to find out what happens next. I wish the writer good luck in producing more chapters like this and I thoroughly look forward to reading them.
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The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

The story sets up an interesting scenario to be sure, and while I'm not a fan of pictures in stories, they supported the story rather than take away from it. You did a good job setting the atmosphere as well. Maybe that's from making comics. It sounded beautiful as you set up every part of the environment, from the mountains to the weeds. I'd say you could improve in providing background for new readers. While we, your fans, know the background, it might not hurt to provide a prologue of sorts for new readers. I'm very curious to see where this goes, and I'm going to have to implore you to put this story on FiMFiction. It's a quality story, and I would love to see it on there.
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The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

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megabyte97 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2013
How did I miss this comic?
Exgallion Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
*Quote* Rose stopped, looked back at the mare grinning sheepishly from the ground, and sighed. Maybe I should have waited for the guard, she thought.*Quote*

One of the VERY few times you'll see Rose being (thinking?) mean.
Nimaru Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I wouldn't say mean per se, maybe just regretting that she's taken full responsibility for this when there was a different option ?
Exgallion Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Well it's the closest I've seen her get.
NickyElric Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I really like this. I wish i had found it sooner but better late then never i say! ^.^

samsamhim Featured By Owner May 27, 2013
good storyline pics help a lot (thinks to himself why didn't i read this sooner then comes up with derp)
SingapuraStudio Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2013  Professional General Artist
Well-written story! I'd love to see the rest unfold. :)
Nimaru Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks :D
Allanpike Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hmmmm... interesting... I really don't know who that is. Can't think of anyone that can't walk.
Nimaru Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Can't walk? I can't see what my comment was so I'm lost now.
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